Highly logical females still have feelings

I found this article somewhere and I can totally relate to everything written here. 




Hear me out, here. I'm saying girls have the capacity to be INTENSELY logical -- my ex was more logical than any GIRL I'd ever met. And for a long time afterward, I actually believed she was strictly logical, but that was a mistake.

It's my belief that ALL PEOPLE make decisions based on emotion. Some more than others, sure. And ESPECIALLY when it comes to making decisions about possible mates. People tend to go with their gut instincts. They also feel emotions for people and then backwards rationalize "why" they feel those emotions.

For example, I'm telling you that the ex was attractive because she challenged me and she expanded my perspectives, etc, but honestly, when I was with her for the first few months, I wasn't thinking about that stuff. I wasn't listing out bullet-points like a computer in a strictly detached way in order to determine whether or not I should stay with her. I felt an emotional pull to stay with her. SURE, afterward, you can list out all those traits in a logical manner, but IN THE MOMENT often we go by emotion. And we often use logic to backwards justify whatever we are feeling. So if I feel a negative emotion toward you for whatever reason, I can easily start pulling logical reasons from my mind to support that. But when it comes down to it, especially in interpersonal relationships, people are led by what they feel, and this applies to the most intensely logical people, men and women alike.

There are degrees of course. An ESFP is more likely to make IMPULSIVE decisions based on emotion than an INTJ for instance. And perhaps that's where our lapse in communication is stemming. A person can still make decisions based on a groundwork foundation of emotions without IMPULSIVELY doing so. An NT may more carefully consider the facts and the consequences of what they are about to do, but its hard to make the case that emotions can be completely shoved aside and play no role whatsoever. The person's emotions are very likely a reason he or she would take the time out to logically weigh the pros and cons of a situation. "Why do I feel like this? What would happen if I did this?"

Again, let me stress. Some people are more emotional than others. But to say that emotions are a complete non-factor in how people decide to proceed in interpersonal relationships is just not accurate to the reality of the situation. No matter HOW intensely logical the person can be! A capacity to be intensely logical and rational does NOT mean that a person lacks emotions or that the person's emotions have NO effect on their decision-making process.

Even I can admit to my emotions influencing my decision-making. That's only human. When it comes to the ways people usually try to exploit this, yes I see myself as more immune than most. And I'm not saying that for many women logic plays NO role in decisions regarding interpersonal relationships. I know for sure that for many women it plays a role, but most often that role is to clarify the emotions in question. In other words, the emotions are the "first cause," if you will. No emotions, no need to logically break things down.

Consider this. A woman might say, "I like this guy because he is funny. I like this guy because he is assertive. I like this guy for X." At first glance, that looks like a totally detached, logical way putting things into perspective. But wait a sec, would you still like this guy if he had no influence on your emotions? A person who is funny makes us laugh and feel good emotions. A person who is assertive enables us to feel more safe around them. See what I'm saying here? What if a guy has the unnerving trait of making you feel uncomfortable in his presence? You can't logic your way out of that one. If the guy's presence makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable, then he can't LOGICALLY convince you to be attracted to him. Nor can you logically decide to make that feeling of discomfort go away. It's just there. He's causing it. And it's heavily influencing whether or not you want to hang around that guy.

And yes, logic can also intervene when extenuating circumstances crop up. For example, "He has kids and wants marriage. I enjoy being single. He's not right for me, so I better break it off." But then again, these circumstances are significant enough that they warrant an emotional disconnect. Some women can do this, some women can't. Some women keep going back to their wife-beating husbands over and over because of the emotions they get from him. For some women, this warrants an emotional disconnect wherein they must consider their own personal safety and future. And that kind of thing does happen. But barring such extenuating circumstances, most people can and do make decisions HEAVILY influenced by emotion. Not just women, everyone.

So my grand point here is that it is a MISTAKE for guys to go around assuming that they can completely ignore a girl's emotions JUST because she seems logical to him. I did that toward the end of my relationship with the ENTP, and it was a huge blunder. I was living under the delusion that some people are like computers, and that that you can reason with them logically and that their emotions are a total non-factor, but that is not the case AT ALL, and guys who live under this delusion are in for a rude awakening. So if you want to believe that certain girls are the logical equivalent of "Data" from Star Trek, go ahead, but you are ignoring and denying their basic and fundamental humanity.

rational women dilemma

I am writing this particular post to explain how Rational women are usually misunderstood in terms of emotion. I express pretty deep emotional truths in my writings. Often folks will approach me after one such emotionally tinged post and are surprised to see me looking pretty much the way I normally look. I sometimes wonder if they are expecting to see me sobbing openly and wandering around with only one shoe -- not that there is anything wrong with that image. On the surface, nothing appears to have changed about my demeanor. The difference is that if you really look in to my eyes, you will see my pain, suffering and deep emotion. It is not stoicism, or some self-delusion about carrying on in spite of it all. I truly believe stating that I am in pain is sufficient and I find it insulting to have to put on an act to “prove it” to anyone. Many introverted Rationals express their emotions quietly, self-contained and with restraint … until it needs to be shouted to be heard.

And that is when the “Urban & Warrior” parts kick in for me. If I have to shout about my pain in order to be heard, you will hear it in my native tongue.
So let’s summarize, shall we … I express myself deeply when I write. The emotions are real and deeply felt. I will not always explicitly exhibit the extent of my emotional state, but it is there to see if you look into my eyes. If I ever have to prove it to you … back up a bit for your own safety.

Feelings- Cool Calm Collected vs. Dramatic

Some people demonstrate their feelings through words others through actions. Which one are you? Actions matter more than words, and if a person's words do not align with their actions it's best to distance yourself, let em know, or cut em loose. A friend isn't always someone who tells you exactly what you want to hear or reacts in the way you expect. A friend also calls you out on your bullshit and helps you grow. People who openly express a lot of feelings aren't always authentic. Being emotionally expressive does not equate with being genuine. But in this society those who are the most expressive are for some strange reason considered to be genuine. Maybe I just hangout or am surrounded by lots of dramatic people. Being cool calm and collected isn't accepted for females. Females are expected to always be dainty and emotional. Whereas a female who can deal with matters in a rational manner is considered cold- hearted or detached. Although those who resort to pouting or emotional manipulation are viewed as being normal and reacting normally. Females who are more logical are not the norm, and considering how few of them there are its almost like being an alien. TBC