Miss Van website..check out her cool works
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Miss Van
I love Miss Van's graffitiart. Unlike fafinettes which are cute, original, and urban, Miss Vans cartoons have a lot of depth which explores sexuality, animalism, friendship, love, and many other topics. I love how her art is very layered in its meaning. This is pretty hot!
Miss Van website..check out her cool works
MISS VAN EXHIBITION
Miss Van website..check out her cool works
Monday, December 6, 2010
Cheating
I know so many people who cheat. Have cheated. and felt good about it. I could never do it. I dont value that. Its not one of my values. I would hate if someone did that to me so I could never see myself doing it to anybody. But I know so many people who hit it and quit it. But I don't think I have the heart to do something like that. I mean if its not working out its easy for me to detach and break up with someone. But not cheat. I don't see how it would benefit me. I would gain nothing from it. And it would just be a part of myself that is being faked. Because deep down inside I know that that isn't me. I would feel fake. Even if everyone believed it I know it would be fake emotions. Anyways I could never cheat on someone. THE END.
superficial is subjective
I don't think its superficial to take care of yourself and buy yourself nice things. I know people who have commented that I am superficial because I like to buy clothing, sneakers, bags etc occasionally that I consider to be cute. I don't believe that is superficial. Now if I allow those material things to define me then yes it would be. I like to wear makeup, paint my nails and other girly shit because I genuinely think its fun. Yes I do believe in natural beauty but certain things are not naturally beautiful such as dark circles under your eyes, women with uni-brows or mustaches, obesity, love handles, Humongous moles, and long nose hair to name a few. But these are all in my opinion, I'm pretty sure there are people out there who become heavily attracted to a female or males based on these qualities. Sometimes a little make-up in the correct spots does go a long way. I mean just look at Oprah for example. (I didn't mean that as an offense.)
Sometimes I buy nice things as a reward for myself because I reached a goal I thought was really difficult to reach or never thought I would reach. In that case I don't mind buying something expensive for myself that I would regularly not get. I do celebrate myself, and encourage myself because frankly I know most people do not have my happiness, emotional and mental health as their number one priorities in life.Taking this into account I'm not going to stop being taking care of myself because what is superficial to one is normal to another.
I remember my grandma would buy herself a nice gift for her birthday or every so often and I didn't understand why she was buying herself gifts but it makes perfect sense now. And no it's not superficial. It's just another way of loving oneself. Some people think being on the extreme end of the natural spectrum is the way to go. I met people like this in college. Their hair was always nasty and greasy from not washing it, they had disgusting acne, ugly nails, ripped up clothing, smelled like ass-crack, never showered or wore deodorant. If that makes you happy, and this is how you demonstrate love for yourself GO FOR IT. But please refrain from talking shit about me because I do not engage in those decadent activities. I graduated in May and have been meaning to do something nice for myself. I' m still weighing my options. But you see, I don't feel that whichever option I choose makes me superficial.
Also I am not going to change any of those things about myself to make someone else feel comfortable. Mostly because the people who talk criticize and hate the hardest are the ones who eventually come to my side. I mean I'm not a label whore I'm a bargain girl. If I can find something I have wanted for a long time at a good bargain I am going to buy it. Many other people share this mentality. I don't believe this makes me materialistic unless I was frequently spending money buying new garments. Frankly, I just think some people are so insecure they don't know what else to do with themselves except to talk shit. To a large extent I do believe that people who hate do so because on a deeper level they have low self esteem and are jealous. And my experiences confirm this. If being superficial means trying to look my best, feel confident, in control of myself, liberated, and content with my life............then I am the most superficial bitch you will ever meet!!
Sometimes I buy nice things as a reward for myself because I reached a goal I thought was really difficult to reach or never thought I would reach. In that case I don't mind buying something expensive for myself that I would regularly not get. I do celebrate myself, and encourage myself because frankly I know most people do not have my happiness, emotional and mental health as their number one priorities in life.Taking this into account I'm not going to stop being taking care of myself because what is superficial to one is normal to another.
I remember my grandma would buy herself a nice gift for her birthday or every so often and I didn't understand why she was buying herself gifts but it makes perfect sense now. And no it's not superficial. It's just another way of loving oneself. Some people think being on the extreme end of the natural spectrum is the way to go. I met people like this in college. Their hair was always nasty and greasy from not washing it, they had disgusting acne, ugly nails, ripped up clothing, smelled like ass-crack, never showered or wore deodorant. If that makes you happy, and this is how you demonstrate love for yourself GO FOR IT. But please refrain from talking shit about me because I do not engage in those decadent activities. I graduated in May and have been meaning to do something nice for myself. I' m still weighing my options. But you see, I don't feel that whichever option I choose makes me superficial.
Also I am not going to change any of those things about myself to make someone else feel comfortable. Mostly because the people who talk criticize and hate the hardest are the ones who eventually come to my side. I mean I'm not a label whore I'm a bargain girl. If I can find something I have wanted for a long time at a good bargain I am going to buy it. Many other people share this mentality. I don't believe this makes me materialistic unless I was frequently spending money buying new garments. Frankly, I just think some people are so insecure they don't know what else to do with themselves except to talk shit. To a large extent I do believe that people who hate do so because on a deeper level they have low self esteem and are jealous. And my experiences confirm this. If being superficial means trying to look my best, feel confident, in control of myself, liberated, and content with my life............then I am the most superficial bitch you will ever meet!!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Highly logical females still have feelings
I found this article somewhere and I can totally relate to everything written here.
Hear me out, here. I'm saying girls have the capacity to be INTENSELY logical -- my ex was more logical than any GIRL I'd ever met. And for a long time afterward, I actually believed she was strictly logical, but that was a mistake.
It's my belief that ALL PEOPLE make decisions based on emotion. Some more than others, sure. And ESPECIALLY when it comes to making decisions about possible mates. People tend to go with their gut instincts. They also feel emotions for people and then backwards rationalize "why" they feel those emotions.
For example, I'm telling you that the ex was attractive because she challenged me and she expanded my perspectives, etc, but honestly, when I was with her for the first few months, I wasn't thinking about that stuff. I wasn't listing out bullet-points like a computer in a strictly detached way in order to determine whether or not I should stay with her. I felt an emotional pull to stay with her. SURE, afterward, you can list out all those traits in a logical manner, but IN THE MOMENT often we go by emotion. And we often use logic to backwards justify whatever we are feeling. So if I feel a negative emotion toward you for whatever reason, I can easily start pulling logical reasons from my mind to support that. But when it comes down to it, especially in interpersonal relationships, people are led by what they feel, and this applies to the most intensely logical people, men and women alike.
There are degrees of course. An ESFP is more likely to make IMPULSIVE decisions based on emotion than an INTJ for instance. And perhaps that's where our lapse in communication is stemming. A person can still make decisions based on a groundwork foundation of emotions without IMPULSIVELY doing so. An NT may more carefully consider the facts and the consequences of what they are about to do, but its hard to make the case that emotions can be completely shoved aside and play no role whatsoever. The person's emotions are very likely a reason he or she would take the time out to logically weigh the pros and cons of a situation. "Why do I feel like this? What would happen if I did this?"
Again, let me stress. Some people are more emotional than others. But to say that emotions are a complete non-factor in how people decide to proceed in interpersonal relationships is just not accurate to the reality of the situation. No matter HOW intensely logical the person can be! A capacity to be intensely logical and rational does NOT mean that a person lacks emotions or that the person's emotions have NO effect on their decision-making process.
Even I can admit to my emotions influencing my decision-making. That's only human. When it comes to the ways people usually try to exploit this, yes I see myself as more immune than most. And I'm not saying that for many women logic plays NO role in decisions regarding interpersonal relationships. I know for sure that for many women it plays a role, but most often that role is to clarify the emotions in question. In other words, the emotions are the "first cause," if you will. No emotions, no need to logically break things down.
Consider this. A woman might say, "I like this guy because he is funny. I like this guy because he is assertive. I like this guy for X." At first glance, that looks like a totally detached, logical way putting things into perspective. But wait a sec, would you still like this guy if he had no influence on your emotions? A person who is funny makes us laugh and feel good emotions. A person who is assertive enables us to feel more safe around them. See what I'm saying here? What if a guy has the unnerving trait of making you feel uncomfortable in his presence? You can't logic your way out of that one. If the guy's presence makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable, then he can't LOGICALLY convince you to be attracted to him. Nor can you logically decide to make that feeling of discomfort go away. It's just there. He's causing it. And it's heavily influencing whether or not you want to hang around that guy.
And yes, logic can also intervene when extenuating circumstances crop up. For example, "He has kids and wants marriage. I enjoy being single. He's not right for me, so I better break it off." But then again, these circumstances are significant enough that they warrant an emotional disconnect. Some women can do this, some women can't. Some women keep going back to their wife-beating husbands over and over because of the emotions they get from him. For some women, this warrants an emotional disconnect wherein they must consider their own personal safety and future. And that kind of thing does happen. But barring such extenuating circumstances, most people can and do make decisions HEAVILY influenced by emotion. Not just women, everyone.
So my grand point here is that it is a MISTAKE for guys to go around assuming that they can completely ignore a girl's emotions JUST because she seems logical to him. I did that toward the end of my relationship with the ENTP, and it was a huge blunder. I was living under the delusion that some people are like computers, and that that you can reason with them logically and that their emotions are a total non-factor, but that is not the case AT ALL, and guys who live under this delusion are in for a rude awakening. So if you want to believe that certain girls are the logical equivalent of "Data" from Star Trek, go ahead, but you are ignoring and denying their basic and fundamental humanity.
Hear me out, here. I'm saying girls have the capacity to be INTENSELY logical -- my ex was more logical than any GIRL I'd ever met. And for a long time afterward, I actually believed she was strictly logical, but that was a mistake.
It's my belief that ALL PEOPLE make decisions based on emotion. Some more than others, sure. And ESPECIALLY when it comes to making decisions about possible mates. People tend to go with their gut instincts. They also feel emotions for people and then backwards rationalize "why" they feel those emotions.
For example, I'm telling you that the ex was attractive because she challenged me and she expanded my perspectives, etc, but honestly, when I was with her for the first few months, I wasn't thinking about that stuff. I wasn't listing out bullet-points like a computer in a strictly detached way in order to determine whether or not I should stay with her. I felt an emotional pull to stay with her. SURE, afterward, you can list out all those traits in a logical manner, but IN THE MOMENT often we go by emotion. And we often use logic to backwards justify whatever we are feeling. So if I feel a negative emotion toward you for whatever reason, I can easily start pulling logical reasons from my mind to support that. But when it comes down to it, especially in interpersonal relationships, people are led by what they feel, and this applies to the most intensely logical people, men and women alike.
There are degrees of course. An ESFP is more likely to make IMPULSIVE decisions based on emotion than an INTJ for instance. And perhaps that's where our lapse in communication is stemming. A person can still make decisions based on a groundwork foundation of emotions without IMPULSIVELY doing so. An NT may more carefully consider the facts and the consequences of what they are about to do, but its hard to make the case that emotions can be completely shoved aside and play no role whatsoever. The person's emotions are very likely a reason he or she would take the time out to logically weigh the pros and cons of a situation. "Why do I feel like this? What would happen if I did this?"
Again, let me stress. Some people are more emotional than others. But to say that emotions are a complete non-factor in how people decide to proceed in interpersonal relationships is just not accurate to the reality of the situation. No matter HOW intensely logical the person can be! A capacity to be intensely logical and rational does NOT mean that a person lacks emotions or that the person's emotions have NO effect on their decision-making process.
Even I can admit to my emotions influencing my decision-making. That's only human. When it comes to the ways people usually try to exploit this, yes I see myself as more immune than most. And I'm not saying that for many women logic plays NO role in decisions regarding interpersonal relationships. I know for sure that for many women it plays a role, but most often that role is to clarify the emotions in question. In other words, the emotions are the "first cause," if you will. No emotions, no need to logically break things down.
Consider this. A woman might say, "I like this guy because he is funny. I like this guy because he is assertive. I like this guy for X." At first glance, that looks like a totally detached, logical way putting things into perspective. But wait a sec, would you still like this guy if he had no influence on your emotions? A person who is funny makes us laugh and feel good emotions. A person who is assertive enables us to feel more safe around them. See what I'm saying here? What if a guy has the unnerving trait of making you feel uncomfortable in his presence? You can't logic your way out of that one. If the guy's presence makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable, then he can't LOGICALLY convince you to be attracted to him. Nor can you logically decide to make that feeling of discomfort go away. It's just there. He's causing it. And it's heavily influencing whether or not you want to hang around that guy.
And yes, logic can also intervene when extenuating circumstances crop up. For example, "He has kids and wants marriage. I enjoy being single. He's not right for me, so I better break it off." But then again, these circumstances are significant enough that they warrant an emotional disconnect. Some women can do this, some women can't. Some women keep going back to their wife-beating husbands over and over because of the emotions they get from him. For some women, this warrants an emotional disconnect wherein they must consider their own personal safety and future. And that kind of thing does happen. But barring such extenuating circumstances, most people can and do make decisions HEAVILY influenced by emotion. Not just women, everyone.
So my grand point here is that it is a MISTAKE for guys to go around assuming that they can completely ignore a girl's emotions JUST because she seems logical to him. I did that toward the end of my relationship with the ENTP, and it was a huge blunder. I was living under the delusion that some people are like computers, and that that you can reason with them logically and that their emotions are a total non-factor, but that is not the case AT ALL, and guys who live under this delusion are in for a rude awakening. So if you want to believe that certain girls are the logical equivalent of "Data" from Star Trek, go ahead, but you are ignoring and denying their basic and fundamental humanity.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
rational women dilemma
I am writing this particular post to explain how Rational women are usually misunderstood in terms of emotion. I express pretty deep emotional truths in my writings. Often folks will approach me after one such emotionally tinged post and are surprised to see me looking pretty much the way I normally look. I sometimes wonder if they are expecting to see me sobbing openly and wandering around with only one shoe -- not that there is anything wrong with that image. On the surface, nothing appears to have changed about my demeanor. The difference is that if you really look in to my eyes, you will see my pain, suffering and deep emotion. It is not stoicism, or some self-delusion about carrying on in spite of it all. I truly believe stating that I am in pain is sufficient and I find it insulting to have to put on an act to “prove it” to anyone. Many introverted Rationals express their emotions quietly, self-contained and with restraint … until it needs to be shouted to be heard.
And that is when the “Urban & Warrior” parts kick in for me. If I have to shout about my pain in order to be heard, you will hear it in my native tongue.
So let’s summarize, shall we … I express myself deeply when I write. The emotions are real and deeply felt. I will not always explicitly exhibit the extent of my emotional state, but it is there to see if you look into my eyes. If I ever have to prove it to you … back up a bit for your own safety.
And that is when the “Urban & Warrior” parts kick in for me. If I have to shout about my pain in order to be heard, you will hear it in my native tongue.
So let’s summarize, shall we … I express myself deeply when I write. The emotions are real and deeply felt. I will not always explicitly exhibit the extent of my emotional state, but it is there to see if you look into my eyes. If I ever have to prove it to you … back up a bit for your own safety.
entp- intro-extrovert
In terms of reasoning? Yes, highly extroverted; I can't even finish a thought without having to whisper it or say it out loud, or it just doesn't feel complete. When I think through things, I do it through an external process; I think far more clearly when describing something TO someone else, than I do just sitting there thinking about it on my own. This is essentially how extroverts work in mbti.
However, the typical "introvert/extrovert" yeu hear about normally isn't the MBTI definition at all. It's more whether yeu like to deal with people and such. Yes, I can put on a good face and stand out great in a crowd... I can tell stories or be ridiculously charismatic when I so choose to be, it comes very naturally. So, too, however... comes a dislike of people. I'm scared of crowds; it's not quite intense enough to be a true debilitating phobia, but I seriously don't like them. I don't like groups of people, and honestly, I don't like dealing with people in general on more than a 1 on 1 basis. I want to talk to yeu directly. Chat programs I *LOVE* to death, I can have 5 conversations going at once with different people, and each one is private and focused on that one person... I can be happy and silly with one person, while still being sympathetic towards another who's having a bad day, but they need not know I'm feeling both things at once and won't get depressed or frustrated over such. If we were in person, everyone would have to be on the same page. I'm far happier being able to tailor fit myself to each individual's mood and personality. I can make inappropriate jokes with people I know will appreciate such, and can be more reserved with someone else who I wouldn't want to even know I think like that XD
But yeah, generally I am not sociable.
Actually... one friend of mine put it to me that they believed I thought of people this way: To me, people are tools to be used. They provide humour, or interesting discussion, fun, love, or whotever, but as soon as they've lost their use, they are of no more value to me anymore. So long as they maintain a use, they are kept around, but if a tool breaks down, just get another one.
And sadly enough... it's kinda true. It kinda hurt to hear it said that way, but after thinking it through... he was right. That is how I think about people. When yeu stop being relevant to me directly, and no longer provide direct benefit, I no longer have any interest in yeu.
I don't care about the world. I don't care about the starving third world children. Guess whot? They were starving yesterday too. I didn't even know they existed. I had no reason to feel bad. Today I now see a picture of some starving kid I didn't even know existed before. Oddly enough... this doesn't bother me. It's no different than it was yesterday. The starving kid doesn't know I saw their picture. They won't know if I never do anything to raise a finger. They don't know me. I don't know them. There are 6.5 BILLION people on this planet. I can't be emotionally invested in every single one of them; it's not possible. 40,000 die every single day. Do I care that someone died in a car accident in the newspaper? No. Do I care that they were stoned to death? Not really. I might be irritated that someone would DO that, but I have absolutely zero connection with the individual who died. If I directly KNOW them and am attached to them, then YES I will be concerned... but the fact that people panicked about the WTC thing is just... so foreign to me.
When it happened, they showed pictures from a third world nation with people CHEERING... I laughed and promptly got yelled at for doing so. But I laughed because those third world people had NO clue whot they were cheering about. The absurdity of it amused me, that they would be happy that people they didn't even know existed the day before died. Why? They didn't KNOW them. They got no benefit from such. They gained nothing. Well some of them may've now but I don't think that was afghanistan or iraq that was being interviewed.
In any case, the point is that I'm very detached from humanity as a whole. I don't really like being human. It's kind of something I feel ashamed of most of the time. I don't want to be connected to yeu people, and I don't want to have anything to do with yeu if yeu aren't directly related to something that interests me.
The people on this board? Yeu amuse me, yeu entertain me, yeu provoke thoughts and discussions, though admittedly I have been far too distracted to really put true thought into stuff lately and my arguments and posts have been rather lackluster due to such, but hei, it happens.
Regardless, I would notice and grieve if someone here I was aware of died. Eck, peguy, jennifer, sky is blue, even lark or victor. Well maybe not victor, but I'd at least be kinda bleh he was dead, I'm not sure if grieve would be quite the right term for it but whotever.
Point is I am connected to those who stand out to me (I didn't want to list everyone, the list's too long, if yeu're not on the short list don't worry, victor is so it's not based on quality ^.~ ), and those I interact with regularly.
Here's a way to describe it...
If yeu have a favorite tool, a hammer or something sentimental given to yeu by a parent for yeur birthday before they died or something, sure yeu may have no use for a hammer most of the time, but it'd hold sentimental value and yeu would cherish it.
Now yeu come across an old beaten up damaged hammer on the highway when driving along it that's rotting on the side of the road.
Do yeu feel bad that the hammer is broken on the side of the road? No. Yeu probably don't even look at it twice, or might wonder how it got there, but frankly wouldn't care. If the cherished last gift from someone yeu cared about was lost or damaged, it would hurt, despite that it's "just a hammer". It has value, it has meaning, it has a direct emotional connection to yeu as something important.
This is how I view people. I know it may sound cold and heartless, but it's really not. I truly care about people who I know well and value, I just don't see any reason to waste my heart on the endless sea of nameless faces out there.
"Live for yourself, there's noone else more worth living for. Begging hands and bleeding hearts will only cry out for more." ~ Anthem - RUSH
In any case, I'm not social. Yet am highly social. I love to interact with people on a one on one basis... but I can just as easily do without people. As... long as I know they're not worried about me. When I was stuck in the hospital, and at home over christmas, I was PANICKING badly, because people didn't know where I was. The idea that I would leave people I care about not knowing where I was, if I was hurt, injured, sick, or dead, is something that bothers me to the deepest roots.
But yeah... if yeu're not on the list of people I know, I don't have any interest in yeu. Yeu're an extra on a movie screen about to get stomped on by godzilla. Yeu exist to fill space and make the streets not empty, yeu have no further purpose to me, I provide yeu no further courtesy.
I'm very introverted in terms of how I deal with people, but extroverted in terms of how I deal with thinking; my thoughts are externalized... I am by MBTI's definition, highly extroverted. In terms of the "do yeu like people?" definition, I'm highly introverted.
So there yeu go.
ENTP = introverted extrovert XD
Yes. I probably would be more social if I hadn't gotten used to the fact that most people don't want to socialize the same way that I do. And they are not interested in the same types of things. People invite me out because I am fun, a comic relief, and know a little bit about a lot of things - but on a one-on-one level, I pretty much bore people to tears. So I give the people what they want, and I get into it. I get hyper and excited and whatever. But when I come home, I am back to my normal nerdy shut-in self.
However, the typical "introvert/extrovert" yeu hear about normally isn't the MBTI definition at all. It's more whether yeu like to deal with people and such. Yes, I can put on a good face and stand out great in a crowd... I can tell stories or be ridiculously charismatic when I so choose to be, it comes very naturally. So, too, however... comes a dislike of people. I'm scared of crowds; it's not quite intense enough to be a true debilitating phobia, but I seriously don't like them. I don't like groups of people, and honestly, I don't like dealing with people in general on more than a 1 on 1 basis. I want to talk to yeu directly. Chat programs I *LOVE* to death, I can have 5 conversations going at once with different people, and each one is private and focused on that one person... I can be happy and silly with one person, while still being sympathetic towards another who's having a bad day, but they need not know I'm feeling both things at once and won't get depressed or frustrated over such. If we were in person, everyone would have to be on the same page. I'm far happier being able to tailor fit myself to each individual's mood and personality. I can make inappropriate jokes with people I know will appreciate such, and can be more reserved with someone else who I wouldn't want to even know I think like that XD
But yeah, generally I am not sociable.
Actually... one friend of mine put it to me that they believed I thought of people this way: To me, people are tools to be used. They provide humour, or interesting discussion, fun, love, or whotever, but as soon as they've lost their use, they are of no more value to me anymore. So long as they maintain a use, they are kept around, but if a tool breaks down, just get another one.
And sadly enough... it's kinda true. It kinda hurt to hear it said that way, but after thinking it through... he was right. That is how I think about people. When yeu stop being relevant to me directly, and no longer provide direct benefit, I no longer have any interest in yeu.
I don't care about the world. I don't care about the starving third world children. Guess whot? They were starving yesterday too. I didn't even know they existed. I had no reason to feel bad. Today I now see a picture of some starving kid I didn't even know existed before. Oddly enough... this doesn't bother me. It's no different than it was yesterday. The starving kid doesn't know I saw their picture. They won't know if I never do anything to raise a finger. They don't know me. I don't know them. There are 6.5 BILLION people on this planet. I can't be emotionally invested in every single one of them; it's not possible. 40,000 die every single day. Do I care that someone died in a car accident in the newspaper? No. Do I care that they were stoned to death? Not really. I might be irritated that someone would DO that, but I have absolutely zero connection with the individual who died. If I directly KNOW them and am attached to them, then YES I will be concerned... but the fact that people panicked about the WTC thing is just... so foreign to me.
When it happened, they showed pictures from a third world nation with people CHEERING... I laughed and promptly got yelled at for doing so. But I laughed because those third world people had NO clue whot they were cheering about. The absurdity of it amused me, that they would be happy that people they didn't even know existed the day before died. Why? They didn't KNOW them. They got no benefit from such. They gained nothing. Well some of them may've now but I don't think that was afghanistan or iraq that was being interviewed.
In any case, the point is that I'm very detached from humanity as a whole. I don't really like being human. It's kind of something I feel ashamed of most of the time. I don't want to be connected to yeu people, and I don't want to have anything to do with yeu if yeu aren't directly related to something that interests me.
The people on this board? Yeu amuse me, yeu entertain me, yeu provoke thoughts and discussions, though admittedly I have been far too distracted to really put true thought into stuff lately and my arguments and posts have been rather lackluster due to such, but hei, it happens.
Regardless, I would notice and grieve if someone here I was aware of died. Eck, peguy, jennifer, sky is blue, even lark or victor. Well maybe not victor, but I'd at least be kinda bleh he was dead, I'm not sure if grieve would be quite the right term for it but whotever.
Point is I am connected to those who stand out to me (I didn't want to list everyone, the list's too long, if yeu're not on the short list don't worry, victor is so it's not based on quality ^.~ ), and those I interact with regularly.
Here's a way to describe it...
If yeu have a favorite tool, a hammer or something sentimental given to yeu by a parent for yeur birthday before they died or something, sure yeu may have no use for a hammer most of the time, but it'd hold sentimental value and yeu would cherish it.
Now yeu come across an old beaten up damaged hammer on the highway when driving along it that's rotting on the side of the road.
Do yeu feel bad that the hammer is broken on the side of the road? No. Yeu probably don't even look at it twice, or might wonder how it got there, but frankly wouldn't care. If the cherished last gift from someone yeu cared about was lost or damaged, it would hurt, despite that it's "just a hammer". It has value, it has meaning, it has a direct emotional connection to yeu as something important.
This is how I view people. I know it may sound cold and heartless, but it's really not. I truly care about people who I know well and value, I just don't see any reason to waste my heart on the endless sea of nameless faces out there.
"Live for yourself, there's noone else more worth living for. Begging hands and bleeding hearts will only cry out for more." ~ Anthem - RUSH
In any case, I'm not social. Yet am highly social. I love to interact with people on a one on one basis... but I can just as easily do without people. As... long as I know they're not worried about me. When I was stuck in the hospital, and at home over christmas, I was PANICKING badly, because people didn't know where I was. The idea that I would leave people I care about not knowing where I was, if I was hurt, injured, sick, or dead, is something that bothers me to the deepest roots.
But yeah... if yeu're not on the list of people I know, I don't have any interest in yeu. Yeu're an extra on a movie screen about to get stomped on by godzilla. Yeu exist to fill space and make the streets not empty, yeu have no further purpose to me, I provide yeu no further courtesy.
I'm very introverted in terms of how I deal with people, but extroverted in terms of how I deal with thinking; my thoughts are externalized... I am by MBTI's definition, highly extroverted. In terms of the "do yeu like people?" definition, I'm highly introverted.
So there yeu go.
ENTP = introverted extrovert XD
Yes. I probably would be more social if I hadn't gotten used to the fact that most people don't want to socialize the same way that I do. And they are not interested in the same types of things. People invite me out because I am fun, a comic relief, and know a little bit about a lot of things - but on a one-on-one level, I pretty much bore people to tears. So I give the people what they want, and I get into it. I get hyper and excited and whatever. But when I come home, I am back to my normal nerdy shut-in self.
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