Thursday, December 2, 2010

entp- intro-extrovert

In terms of reasoning? Yes, highly extroverted; I can't even finish a thought without having to whisper it or say it out loud, or it just doesn't feel complete. When I think through things, I do it through an external process; I think far more clearly when describing something TO someone else, than I do just sitting there thinking about it on my own. This is essentially how extroverts work in mbti.

However, the typical "introvert/extrovert" yeu hear about normally isn't the MBTI definition at all. It's more whether yeu like to deal with people and such. Yes, I can put on a good face and stand out great in a crowd... I can tell stories or be ridiculously charismatic when I so choose to be, it comes very naturally. So, too, however... comes a dislike of people. I'm scared of crowds; it's not quite intense enough to be a true debilitating phobia, but I seriously don't like them. I don't like groups of people, and honestly, I don't like dealing with people in general on more than a 1 on 1 basis. I want to talk to yeu directly. Chat programs I *LOVE* to death, I can have 5 conversations going at once with different people, and each one is private and focused on that one person... I can be happy and silly with one person, while still being sympathetic towards another who's having a bad day, but they need not know I'm feeling both things at once and won't get depressed or frustrated over such. If we were in person, everyone would have to be on the same page. I'm far happier being able to tailor fit myself to each individual's mood and personality. I can make inappropriate jokes with people I know will appreciate such, and can be more reserved with someone else who I wouldn't want to even know I think like that XD

But yeah, generally I am not sociable.

Actually... one friend of mine put it to me that they believed I thought of people this way: To me, people are tools to be used. They provide humour, or interesting discussion, fun, love, or whotever, but as soon as they've lost their use, they are of no more value to me anymore. So long as they maintain a use, they are kept around, but if a tool breaks down, just get another one.

And sadly enough... it's kinda true. It kinda hurt to hear it said that way, but after thinking it through... he was right. That is how I think about people. When yeu stop being relevant to me directly, and no longer provide direct benefit, I no longer have any interest in yeu.

I don't care about the world. I don't care about the starving third world children. Guess whot? They were starving yesterday too. I didn't even know they existed. I had no reason to feel bad. Today I now see a picture of some starving kid I didn't even know existed before. Oddly enough... this doesn't bother me. It's no different than it was yesterday. The starving kid doesn't know I saw their picture. They won't know if I never do anything to raise a finger. They don't know me. I don't know them. There are 6.5 BILLION people on this planet. I can't be emotionally invested in every single one of them; it's not possible. 40,000 die every single day. Do I care that someone died in a car accident in the newspaper? No. Do I care that they were stoned to death? Not really. I might be irritated that someone would DO that, but I have absolutely zero connection with the individual who died. If I directly KNOW them and am attached to them, then YES I will be concerned... but the fact that people panicked about the WTC thing is just... so foreign to me.

When it happened, they showed pictures from a third world nation with people CHEERING... I laughed and promptly got yelled at for doing so. But I laughed because those third world people had NO clue whot they were cheering about. The absurdity of it amused me, that they would be happy that people they didn't even know existed the day before died. Why? They didn't KNOW them. They got no benefit from such. They gained nothing. Well some of them may've now but I don't think that was afghanistan or iraq that was being interviewed.

In any case, the point is that I'm very detached from humanity as a whole. I don't really like being human. It's kind of something I feel ashamed of most of the time. I don't want to be connected to yeu people, and I don't want to have anything to do with yeu if yeu aren't directly related to something that interests me.

The people on this board? Yeu amuse me, yeu entertain me, yeu provoke thoughts and discussions, though admittedly I have been far too distracted to really put true thought into stuff lately and my arguments and posts have been rather lackluster due to such, but hei, it happens.

Regardless, I would notice and grieve if someone here I was aware of died. Eck, peguy, jennifer, sky is blue, even lark or victor. Well maybe not victor, but I'd at least be kinda bleh he was dead, I'm not sure if grieve would be quite the right term for it but whotever.

Point is I am connected to those who stand out to me (I didn't want to list everyone, the list's too long, if yeu're not on the short list don't worry, victor is so it's not based on quality ^.~ ), and those I interact with regularly.

Here's a way to describe it...

If yeu have a favorite tool, a hammer or something sentimental given to yeu by a parent for yeur birthday before they died or something, sure yeu may have no use for a hammer most of the time, but it'd hold sentimental value and yeu would cherish it.

Now yeu come across an old beaten up damaged hammer on the highway when driving along it that's rotting on the side of the road.

Do yeu feel bad that the hammer is broken on the side of the road? No. Yeu probably don't even look at it twice, or might wonder how it got there, but frankly wouldn't care. If the cherished last gift from someone yeu cared about was lost or damaged, it would hurt, despite that it's "just a hammer". It has value, it has meaning, it has a direct emotional connection to yeu as something important.

This is how I view people. I know it may sound cold and heartless, but it's really not. I truly care about people who I know well and value, I just don't see any reason to waste my heart on the endless sea of nameless faces out there.



"Live for yourself, there's noone else more worth living for. Begging hands and bleeding hearts will only cry out for more." ~ Anthem - RUSH



In any case, I'm not social. Yet am highly social. I love to interact with people on a one on one basis... but I can just as easily do without people. As... long as I know they're not worried about me. When I was stuck in the hospital, and at home over christmas, I was PANICKING badly, because people didn't know where I was. The idea that I would leave people I care about not knowing where I was, if I was hurt, injured, sick, or dead, is something that bothers me to the deepest roots.

But yeah... if yeu're not on the list of people I know, I don't have any interest in yeu. Yeu're an extra on a movie screen about to get stomped on by godzilla. Yeu exist to fill space and make the streets not empty, yeu have no further purpose to me, I provide yeu no further courtesy.

I'm very introverted in terms of how I deal with people, but extroverted in terms of how I deal with thinking; my thoughts are externalized... I am by MBTI's definition, highly extroverted. In terms of the "do yeu like people?" definition, I'm highly introverted.

So there yeu go.

ENTP = introverted extrovert XD

Yes. I probably would be more social if I hadn't gotten used to the fact that most people don't want to socialize the same way that I do. And they are not interested in the same types of things. People invite me out because I am fun, a comic relief, and know a little bit about a lot of things - but on a one-on-one level, I pretty much bore people to tears. So I give the people what they want, and I get into it. I get hyper and excited and whatever. But when I come home, I am back to my normal nerdy shut-in self.

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